Smitty’s Restaurant, Southgate

After Church yesterday we went to Smitty’s in the south of Nanaimo as it had been recommended to us.We went in and after ordering our coffee and meal, we waited, and waited, and waited. Finally, we asked a server if our food would be arriving shortly and her answer was “oh I heard there was a 20 minute wait as of 5 minutes ago. We have already been waiting for about 30 minutes. Oh well. There is a young couple in my direct sight-line and this is where we are going to remain. You won’t believe it but I swear it is all true.

The food arrives at their table. Before the plate for his companion was placed, he was stuffing whole slices of bacon in his mouth. Not biting, but stuffing, pushing into the one cheek. Not having even finished chewing on the first one, he is now pushing the second one in. Oh my goodness! But wait, a third piece of bacon is now going in.

He has three eggs on his plate, with 4 half slices of toast. You can’t possibly guess what is going to happen now. He takes a nibble of the toast to remove the corner. Puts an egg on top of the remaining slice, and PUSHES the entire thing in his mouth. He looks like he is going to explode, but surprise, surprise! He doesn’t even choke.

He has shredded potatoes on his plate. I am not exaggerating when I tell you this. He tries to push the entire order of hash browns on his fork and SHOVEL it into his mouth all at once. The shreds are hanging down from his mouth to his plate and he just keeps pushing it in. OMG!

Now back to egg number two. Same procedure, nibble off the corner, place an egg onto the toast and shove it in all in one piece. Egg number three is fast behind. Again, the same procedure.

Now he has sausages (3 I think). One at a time, he pushes the entire sausage into his mouth, following as fast as possible with the next.

There are still potatoes on the plate and he just pushes it all on the fork and, again, it dribbles on the plate from his mouth. Disgusting!

Now, he has about 4 slices of very thin, very large pieces of ham. He picks it up and tries to get one piece in his mouth all at once. Almost! This too is hanging.

Never to mention he is not consistent, the remainder pieces of meat are shovelled in the same way. Whew! He has finally finished this (I think)…, he reaches over to the lady’s plate and grabs a fistful of her french fries and pushes them in his mouth.

For your  information, the lady sitting across from him has said nothing, keeps her head down and finishes eating.

There! Oh no, we are not done yet. He has ordered a very large cinnamon bun (looks like). He stabs his fork into the middle of it and pulls it apart. Yup! He tries to push,  shovel and poke it into his mouth. He really looks like a balloon ready to explode. Now, before you can blink, he shovels the rest of the bun in.

I wanted to go over and offer my apologies to his mother. If he asks why, I would have replied because she never taught you ANY manners at the table.

Don can tell you this is true. He even caught a glimpse of the nonsense.

Okay, I have vented but I am appalled at what I watched. I hope the lady with him just runs away. I forgot to mention, after each of these episodes, he put all ten digits into mouth, one at a time and licks them from the fingertip to the hand. The lady passes him a napkin and he just puts it aside. To also show how classy he is, when he stands up, he tosses a $20 on the table towards the lady. She passes it back to him, pays the bill and they leave.

Our food now has arrived. I ordered the cinnamon swirl pancakes. The pictures always look larger, and I never dreamt I would get the size of this order. One could have been cut in half and shared with another. Three of them? Not a chance. No wonder the populace is expanding in size. This was so sweet, it could put you in a coma for a week.

Don ordered eggs benny (his favourite) and the hashbrowns were burnt all around the edges.  All in all, it was quite the escapade. Maybe, just maybe, we will return.

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